Why Your Wedding Is Obscene Just Like Everyone Else's

Weddings used to be a celebration of love. Today, weddings are an event—kind of like WrestleMania.

Released on 4/29/2015

Credits

Starring: John Elerick

Watch more John Elerick at https://www.youtube.com/JLE

Transcript

00:00
Weddings used to be the celebration
00:01
of a couple's marriage, with friends,
00:03
family and loved ones.
00:04
Today, weddings are an event, kinda like WrestleMania.
00:08
Because people don't just get married
00:09
and throw a party anymore, no.
00:11
Now they gonna make a giant spectacle
00:13
out of the whole thing.
00:15
And now for your main event,
00:16
Kimberly and Marty Stuart-Festerman.
00:23
The average wedding in the United States costs $25,000.
00:27
$25,000 for one day.
00:29
That's over $1,000 an hour.
00:31
That's (beeping) insane.
00:32
For that money you could buy a new car,
00:34
put a down payment on a house
00:35
or pay for one year of college tuition
00:37
or get like 25 mid-class hookers.
00:41
I imagine, I'm not really sure, I'm guessing here.
00:43
Weddings have just become a giant competition
00:45
to see who can trump who.
00:47
But in the end, they're all the same.
00:49
Every god damn wedding now comes standard
00:51
with mason jars, string lights, photo booths
00:54
and some silly song and dance
00:55
to introduce the wedding party.
00:57
Gee, it's almost like I didn't come to
00:58
this identical wedding last weekend.
01:00
And then two weeks before that.
01:02
Couples are constantly overplanning weddings.
01:04
I like live music just as much as the next person,
01:06
but there's a time and place.
01:08
Nothing is harder and more awkward to dance to
01:10
than a rendition of a Nicki Minaj song
01:12
sung by a group of 50 year old white dudes.
01:15
Just do what everyone else does
01:16
and hire the DJ who isn't up to speed with current music
01:19
and only plays songs you asked him not to.
01:21
If you're really lucky, you'll get to be a part of a photo
01:23
where the wedding party is pretending to run away from
01:25
some photo shop thing that's chasing them.
01:27
Kinda like in this photo.
01:29
Guys run!
01:30
Really feel that joke's encapsulated in the photo
01:33
that's over my shoulder right here.
01:35
Destination weddings are the worst.
01:36
Especially if they're in one of the last places on Earth
01:38
you wanna go.
01:40
Cancun, wow, yeah.
01:42
No, that sounds like a super time.
01:44
When is it again?
01:45
I don't know I think I have a softball game that weekend.
01:47
If I'm going way out of pocket on this thing
01:49
and have to take time off of work,
01:51
for god's sakes please make it a destination worth going.
01:54
Cancun, really?
01:55
What is this, senior trip?
01:56
Let's bog some beers and I'm gonna marry Michelle.
01:59
And if you throw a wedding that doesn't have an open bar,
02:01
then I think you've greatly underestimated out friendship.
02:04
In fact, I think I'm gonna need that present back,
02:06
come to think of it.
02:07
In the end, every single wedding
02:09
will most definitely incorporate
02:10
what you've grown to expect:
02:11
the constant waiting around, terrible food,
02:13
and that drunk older dude
02:15
who won't stop hitting on your date.
02:16
Just take comfort in knowing that some day,
02:18
you'll be that drunk older dude.
02:21
The circle of life.
02:23
♫ In the circle of life
02:26
Thanks for watching.
02:26
Check out more episodes and subscribe
02:28
and follow on social.
02:29
Today this is the standard nomenclature for the place
02:31
that will most definitely have some pontificating (beeping)
02:34
in a vest explaining to you the difference between
02:36
single and double malt whiskey.