Stop Doing This Over Texts

Contrary to popular belief, there is a right and wrong way to text. Texts that are two lines long? Right. Emoticons? Wrong. The group text? Wrong and evil. John Elerick explains the appropriate etiquette when it comes to texting

Released on 5/6/2015

Credits

Starring: John Elerick

Watch more John Elerick at https://www.youtube.com/JLE

Transcript

00:00
The concept of texting was invented
00:01
by German engineer Friedhelm Hillebrand,
00:04
which is just a fun name to say.
00:06
Friedhelm Hillebrand.
00:08
Come here, Friedhelm, please.
00:11
In 1985 Friedhelm developed the foundations
00:13
for short messaging service, also known as SMS.
00:16
Not to be confused with S&M,
00:18
which is a completely different thing.
00:20
Text messaging used to have a 160 character limit,
00:23
and cost about 50 cents to send.
00:25
So you couldn't just blather on about whatever random
00:27
and completely unimportant thing you're thinking
00:29
about at that very moment.
00:30
But today there is no character limit
00:32
and unlimited texting plans are standard.
00:34
So you often get bombarded with these.
00:37
Yeah, that's right, I'm calling you out,
00:39
every woman in the world.
00:41
Spoiler alert, if your text can't fit in two lines,
00:43
then I'm not (beep) reading it.
00:45
Don't try to sneak around that rule
00:46
by sending 37 one line texts either.
00:48
Make no confusion, this isn't a conversation.
00:51
Just because it says delivered,
00:52
doesn't mean I willingly accept.
00:54
You know how men text?
00:55
With as few words as possible.
00:57
You'd be amazed at what you can accomplish.
00:59
Yo, hey, hungry, yeah,
01:01
sushi, where,
01:02
Sake House, cool, eight, cool, cool.
01:05
In 12 words, 11 if the name
01:07
of the restaurant hadn't been two,
01:09
we established a directive, negotiated the terms of dinner
01:11
and executed a timetable, salutations included.
01:14
You know where you won't find in that thread?
01:16
Any emoticons or emojis.
01:17
Ladies, got to cool it with those too.
01:20
Okay, just a little to-do list.
01:22
When Friedhelm developed texting over 30 years ago
01:24
he had not foreseen the pure evil that his technology
01:27
would eventually lead to: the group text.
01:30
The group text is kind of
01:31
like the open mic of text messages.
01:33
A lot of people would don't mind
01:34
hanging out with one on one.
01:36
But when they get together, kill me.
01:38
And then there's that one number
01:39
you don't have stored in your phone,
01:40
you have know idea who the hell it is
01:42
and they're just sending picture jokes.
01:43
Look pal, don't let the haha
01:45
and the LOL go to your head, you're not funny.
01:47
Okay?
01:48
It's just sad.
01:49
It's just dated material.
01:51
And finally, parents you don't have to sign
01:52
your texts Love, Mom or Love, Dad.
01:54
I know who's sending the texts, okay?
01:56
You look like fools, FYI.
01:58
Alright?
01:59
Clearly you have your own phone,
02:01
I have your number stored, duh.
02:02
Little did Friedhelm Hillebrand know,
02:04
not going to lie I'm having a ball just saying his name.
02:06
Give it a shot.
02:07
Friedhelm Hillebrand
02:09
Little did he know three decades ago
02:10
his technology would eventually lead
02:12
to the decline of communication as we know it.
02:14
Remember,
02:15
say it,
02:17
don't text it.
02:18
Hey guys thanks again for watching.
02:19
Be sure to follow on social, like, fav, and share.
02:21
Check out more episodes.
02:23
Weddings used to be the celebration of couple's marriage
02:25
with friends, family, and loved ones.
02:27
Today, weddings are an event,
02:29
kind of like Wrestle Mania.
02:31
Because people just don't get married
02:32
and throw a party anymore.
02:33
No!
02:34
Now they have to make a giant spectacle
02:36
out of the whole thing.