Is CrossFit a Cult or Cult-ish?

Cults make you pay a lot of money to be in them, they brainwash you, and people who are in them constantly talk about it. CrossFit isn’t like that at all…or is it? John Elerick explains

Released on 5/13/2015

Credits

Starring: John Elerick

Watch more John Elerick at https://www.youtube.com/JLE

Transcript

00:00
Contrary to popular belief, Crossfit is not a cult.
00:03
A little cult-esque maybe, but definitely not a cult.
00:06
Cult-ish.
00:07
Unlike in a cult, in Crossfit, you don't always
00:09
talk about Crossfit, trying to recruit new members.
00:12
Actually, come to think of it,
00:13
people in Crossfit only talk about Crossfit.
00:16
In a cult you have to give them tons of your money.
00:18
Not in Crossfit... I mean, the memberships
00:20
are like $200 a month, but that's for,
00:23
like, cleaning and stuff.
00:26
Are we sure it's not a cult?
00:27
Plus, in a cult, they make you drink Kool-aid.
00:28
You don't have to drink anything in Crossfit.
00:30
I mean, they are always pushing their protein drinks.
00:34
(bleeped curse word)
00:35
I joined a cult, didn't I?
00:37
Damn it, I knew, I knew this felt cult-like.
00:40
You recruit new members, you get $10 off a month.
00:42
Oh, gee, you know, if I recruit 20,
00:44
that's a free membership...
00:46
For a month.
00:47
Crossfit isn't actually a cult,
00:49
but it is (bleep)-ing annoying.
00:50
The human race becomes so incredibly lazy
00:52
that a regular old gym membership can't even begin
00:55
to put a dent in the dietary
00:56
destruction we put our bodies through.
00:58
Thanks to modern technology, we now have the
01:00
attention span of toddlers on speed,
01:02
need to pay people absurd amounts of money
01:04
every month to scream at us to get in shape,
01:06
which I'm completely okay with,
01:08
I just wish people in Crossfit
01:09
weren't so in-your-face about it.
01:11
Stop asking me if I signed up for The Open,
01:13
whatever the hell that is.
01:15
I assume it's something that cuts into my weekend
01:17
and forces me to hang out with everyone
01:18
from the gym times ten.
01:20
Probably costs money.
01:21
No, I didn't sign up.
01:23
Much like my coworkers, the last thing I want to do
01:25
is spend my free time with you people.
01:27
Make no mistake, I'm not here to make friends.
01:29
Hell, I'm not even here to get healthy.
01:31
This is strictly a vanity play.
01:33
I want to look better in my Instagram photos
01:34
like every other person at this gym.
01:36
And those who state otherwise are (bleep)-ing liars.
01:40
Oh, I'd like to increase my ability.
01:41
Bull-(bleep).
01:42
It's also probably a good time to inform you
01:44
that I don't care about your leader board either.
01:46
I'm not gonna do an uncomfortable amount of weight
01:47
and injure myself just so I can have my name
01:49
next to an arbitrary number that
01:50
means nothing to me as soon as I walk out the door.
01:52
The subject comes up later in the day,
01:54
I'll just do what I always do and lie.
01:56
Yeah, cling-jerked like 275 this morning.
01:58
And lastly, f-(bleep) your paleo diet.
02:00
The idea of eating what a caveman would have eaten
02:02
isn't appealing at all.
02:04
You eat just what cavemen would have eaten.
02:05
And you know what cavemen definitely never ate?
02:07
Almond flour pancakes and kale chips.
02:10
I don't care that you eat like that,
02:12
just stop making such a big deal out of it
02:14
when Deborah brings her cookies into the office.
02:16
Oh, I can't eat any, they're not paleo.
02:19
I'm all for healthy living habits and physical wellbeing,
02:21
just please shut the f-(bleep) up about it.
02:24
Thanks for watching and be sure
02:25
to follow social and subscribe.
02:26
Check out more episodes.
02:28
Text messages used to have 160 character limit
02:30
and cost about 50 cents to send,
02:32
so you couldn't just blabber on about
02:34
whatever random and completely unimportant thing
02:36
you're thinking about at that very moment.
02:38
(swoosh)